New Orleans
haji

I love drunk rednecks.

They are just so damn easy to fuck with. Being a habitual prankster and certifiable decendant of one of the meanest damn rednecks on this earth, my cousin Will, Ihave a slight advantage over the rest of you. I can get in their minds without them even knowing it, give them the bullshit they want to hear and watch them drool all over themselves when I tell them I sang for Molly Hatchet in '96 when Danny Joe Shitface would rather puke on stage than sing his songs.

So with that little bit of background on myself I can tell you I had a great time in New Orleans for New Years Eve 2000. Hell, Louisiana itself made me start gigglin' when I entered the state. (Not quite as bad as Alabama though). Granted I am one odd motherfucker, I design a site as beautiful as this and then tell you how much I love the "reds". My Ex-girlfriend said I wasn't open-minded enough...wtf? I'm open to anybody hearing my side of the story. And lots of stories are to be told from this trip.

For starters, Get your ass over to Mothers for breakfast and get their self-proclaimed best "Bloody Mary's" in town. Show up early and expect a line inside and out, but once you sit down, its a breeze...as long as you don't need to get back up for anything. Good food, tiny space. George the door guy is a riot though, grab a drink and stand in line and talk to this cat for a while. If the BM doesn't tear you up first, he will.

Conveniently located right next door is the fantabulous W Hotel. Where do I start with these guys? Beautiful decor and amazing ambience. Makes you feel cool just walking in this place. Small rooms but decorated straight out of the Pottery Barn; just plain beautiful. Mini bar of course WAY overpriced, but hey they've got 2-packs of condoms! Internet access in your room for $10 day. The Hotel restaurant is crap and I cant believe I paid so damn much money for shitty service even shittier steak.

The Whiskey Blue Bar is definitely the place to be from 12 - 4am. Just don't try to wear a hat and I think they might spit in your drink if you're not wearing all black. I had the bouncers taking my hat off with one hand and spitting in my Long Island while I had my head ducked...bastards. If by chance you close this place down or you just want something a little less pretentious... walk down the street to the Red Eye. Man I had this frat boy thinking I was Eddie Vedder so he kept playing "Yellow Ledbetter" for me on the jukebox and buying me drinks.... whatever. I told you I can fuck with the best of them.

Right next door is Harrah's casino - drink up then go for long walks down by the river and see some of the shops and go check out the flea market and buy some crap you just cant get anywhere else except New Orleans. I dont know what I'd be doing with myself had I not bought the shellaqued gator heads and piranhas. LOTS of authentic looking masks and wood carved sculptures and such. Just don't buy the paper machete masks and stick it in a friends car for the 7 hour ride home. You'll be regretting that $200 purchase and the decision you made to not just wear the damn thing home.

Of course Cafe DuMond is THE place for Cafe Aulait and Beignet's so I'm told, one taste and there is no reason to doubt it.

DO go on some of plantation tours. they're cheap, you can learn alot about why the chairs are made so damn small and the spoons so big, etc. Tons of history there. Lots of BIG trees, these short people liked big things thats for sure. Since it was right after Christmas, the house were covered in evergreens and fruit. I didnt want to leave that smell, but now it will just remind me of the day I tried to live...but got shot down. I'll tell you about that one some other time.